Seen Again: Light on Matrescence #author Benita Bensch

Seen Again: Light on Matrescence

Seen Again is a modern companion through matrescence, the profound transition of becoming a mother. 

Matrescence is a biological, psychological, emotional, social and spiritual transformation that can leave mothers without the language or support to make sense of who they are. Many feel disconnected or invisible, wondering: Who am I now? Is it normal to feel this way?

Blending intimate memoir, eighteen real-life stories and years of coaching into a compassionate framework, Benita Bensch explores the inner landscape and seismic shift of matrescence with unflinching honesty. If you have ever felt lost, remember: you are not broken, you are evolving. This is an invitation to reimagine your next season of life, free of shoulds.

Seen Again: Light on Matrescence is a return to the inner campfire, where the dark is honoured, the light is reclaimed, and your true self is waiting to be seen again. By you, first!

Benita Bensch is an Australian author, coach and speaker whose work explores identity, transition, purpose and visibility through storytelling and the creative life. She is a certified Motherhood Studies Practitioner with over a decade of coaching experience, drawing on narrative therapy principles in her work with women in rural and regional communities

To connect with Benita ...
https://benitabensch.com/
https://benitabensch.com/seen-again-book
https://benitabensch.com/shop/
https://www.instagram.com/benitabensch/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/benitabensch/ 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

It's good morning, Benita Beach. Welcome to Yellow Shelf.

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Thanks, Joanna. Thank you for having me. I'm so pleased to be here with you.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Ah, we could have chatted offline a lot, couldn't we? But we need to jump in and you need to share your book. It's available for pre-order right now, but it'll it's available next week. Congratulations. Tell us all about Seen Again.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Thank you. Yes, Seen Again, Light on Matrescence is available one week from now. I'll be celebrating it being out in the world, Joanna. I'm really excited about. I've been in the pre-order phase for nearly three months, though. So I feel like I've kind of and I've had a few events already, so I feel like it's already out in a way, in my mind. But uh yeah, this book is kind of a follow-on from my first book in a way. They're they're written in a different way, but in terms of my personal journey through motherhood and matrescence, this does, in terms of chronologically, follow on a little bit from my first one, which was about our journey to create our family, going through infertility, fertility treatments, pregnancy loss, mental health challenges, with this burning desire to have children and it being a process that was not as easy as uh I had hoped. And it's called the art of trying because I thought it's like this art form that I don't know how to do. Um, and why is it so hard? And it feels like this this thing that is out of my reach. And so it chronicles my journey, including my journal entries, through that period up until 2018, when our fourth son was born. Scene Again starts in 2018 and goes through till about 2025. It's not a memoir. Uh, it there is my story is within it. It The Art of Trying is a memoir. This one is is a bit different. It's sort of my story weaved in with some guidance um based on my experience working with women as a coach, uh motherhood coach, and there's the stories of 18 other women in it as well. So there's more of a framework to it, it's a cross between self-help and and memoir.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

And tell us a bit about the book because you know, I was having a look at the book, it's that shift that women undergo when they become a mother. I think most of my audience know that I'm a mother. Um and you know, when I was reading your book, yeah, I I've I've been through that, I'm going through that still, you know, and um it really I feel like I wish I had this book when I started, but there's so much we don't know, we just kind of have to go through. How is the process around writing and the themes in the book?

SPEAKER_00 3:00

Yeah, I I feel like writing the book almost mirrors the the journey within the book of discovering on the way. And so you're talking about the transition, which is matrescence for those who aren't aware or aren't aren't familiar with that term, which is we say matrescence like adolescence. It's the developmental process between being a woman and being a mother, so we don't become a mother immediately when our baby is born. It is this developmental transition across all our domains: psychological, emotional, spiritual, physical, social. And so it changes us in all these ways we don't expect Joanna. And I certainly encountered that and was not prepared and did not have the language nor the understanding. And you said, you know, you wish you'd had this book. I wish I'd had this book, and that is essentially why I wrote it. At the simplest core of why I wrote it was that I didn't want other women to go through what I went through in 2018, which is where I sort of hit rock bottom. My I had four boys, four and under, and had been I'd been going well, really, for a long time because I was wrapped in that newborn bubble and really loving being a mum, sometimes not enjoying the role of mothering in terms of the day-to-day mothering versus being a mum. I always that always came naturally to love my children, but all the doing of motherhood I didn't always love and still don't. So it yeah, it describes that transition from being in what I call the black hole in 2018 when I hit rock bottom through to through to now, all of the unlearning and learning and discovery and study and working with other men. Yeah, like what I what I've learned, what I and how I've grown and how I've seen other women grow and yeah, and what helps on that through that change.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

Yeah. And can I just touch on matrescence? Because, you know, like I mean, most people know my background professionally, but even though it was a term that I didn't really know, and people weren't using that term when I became a mother. And that's fine, but it gosh, it would have helped, you know. So um, and I know the term comes from the 1970s now, but you know, I didn't realise there was like studies and research, and yeah, there was it it was it was defined this time in our lives as uh as a woman going through motherhood.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

And I didn't either. I was seven years into motherhood before I heard it. And I only heard it because I enrolled in a motherhood studies certification. And it was during that 12-month period of learning that I went, oh my gosh, more people need to know about that. And I hear now from my peers who are having children now that they're hearing it more often, it's more common for it to be discussed in mothers' groups and things, which which is amazing. And I think it's one thing, Joanna, to know the word. It's it's great we have that word and that language, but just like adolescence, it's great to know, okay, I'm going through adolescence, but I need tools and I need support. And I need to, I need there's a lot more to it, isn't there? Like I think it's amazing we have this word, but there's there's a lot more to the to the picture to support women going through this profound transition.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

Yeah, and like your book does, you um you you you're it's a tool for women uh and for families who are supporting women. Yeah. Um, and yeah, I think for me, you know, yeah, you're right, it's just a word, but it just probably would have helped validate some of the ups and downs of like what I still call it that intense juggle of joy and oh my god, and you know, yeah, I'm okay with this, I'm not okay with this, and yeah, it's uh yeah, just to know you're normal.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

So many questions and confusion and loss of identity and loss of confidence, all of that, had I known that that was part of it, or that was part of the journey. I imagine how much more okay I would have felt.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Yeah. No, and look, that's why I wanted to talk to you about the book So Good, seen again. Can you tell us a bit about you? I mean, I know you've alluded to, you know, mother of four boys' wife. Tell us, tell us anything we need to know about you and even you as an author, the writing style, anything you want to share?

SPEAKER_00 7:51

Yeah. Uh so I've been pushing the writing uh drive to the side for a while since I wrote The Art of Trying, uh, in the pursuit of other directions in my business. But that little voice that won't go away keeps saying, Because I know that when I tap into my creativity through writing, I'm such a better person. I'm such a better version of me. And so writing scene again has solidified for me how important writing is to me and how much I want that to be more of my main thing because I just love I love the creativity of it, I love the journey of it. Um so there just definitely are more books in the works for me, and so I sort of blend writing with mothering, with we have a farm business just north of the border, I um in Moam outside of Moamma in southern New South Wales. So Adam and I have been farming since 2010 in our own right, and so agriculture is a big part of my background and my life, rural life. I've uh rural and regional based, uh, have always been. And so very much connect with lots of themes around ag farming families uh and storytelling in rural areas and particularly working with people in agriculture and women in rural and regional areas. Not exclusively, but I feel like I naturally resonate or connect with those with those people. So um I have a real passion for storytelling and also story reauthoring. So working with individuals and families, groups around what stories have you inherited, what are the narratives you're using. I'm I'm studying narrative therapy this year because I want to instill more narrative practice in what I do in a more conscious way. So helping to redefine narratives of women, individuals, families, and therefore that impacts communities and our lives in general. So um, yeah, so I spend my time sort of working in our ag business, my business, which is coaching, retreats, workshops, speaking. Um, but yeah, wanting to do definitely wanting to do more writing, Joanna. So uh I have a passion for supporting women and and families essentially to to see themselves. And I think that seeing ourselves start seeing feeling seen starts with seeing ourselves first. And that's at the heart of my work is to help people reconnect back in with themselves and what it is that they want, um, who they are, and then that drives clarity for other decisions.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Yeah, and doing all that while raising four children. That's why I love like well done, like amazing, so good to be able to support your book. Um, I'm gonna want you to come back on Yellow Shelf with the next book, so no pressure, but just I'll find a space. Um But in the meantime, how do we connect with you and the book? So I'm gonna put some links in the show notes, but you've got a great website. Where would you want people to go to check out your work? Are you on socials?

SPEAKER_00 11:12

Yes, yes. I'm on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. Um, my handle on Insta and Facebook is at Benita Bench, and Bench is spelt B-E-N-S-C-H. It's sounds like Parkbench, but there's an S in there. Uh or my website. And after the book is out next week, you'll be able to purchase the book through my website, but it's on it's you can get it through bookstores, all online retailers. And and I'm yeah, I'm Benita Bench on LinkedIn as well. So you you can find me that way. I do have a podcast as well, Joanna, and a Substack. My uh my podcast is hosted through Substack, and my title there is On Being Seen Again. So I I write regularly through Substack and I'm what my podcast is on pause at the moment, but my first my first 50 episodes are oh well.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

I will put a link in there because Yellow Shop's also on Substack. Ah we we sort of uh promote a curated free newsletter with links to all these um to all these interviews. So I'm gonna link link that way as well. And yeah, look, if you you know uh reinstigate your podcast, I'll have you back and you can share about your show and um because our audience love podcasts as well. So Bernita, enjoy the journey with Scene Again. Congratulations. It's been a joy to talk to you.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

Thank you, Joanna. Thanks for having me on, and I hope your readers, our listeners, sorry, um, enjoy the book. I hope that it's helpful for any women in transition, not only in early motherhood, but in other transitions when children are leaving home or going away to school. I I wrote the book with that in mind that it would support anyone going through a transitional shift in identity.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Yeah, yeah. No, uh, and and that's ever evolving, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 13:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:07

Children and us. So yeah, great advice. Read, give you some feedback and connect with you. Thanks for joining us.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

Thank you, Joanna. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Cheers.