The Mould Maker #author Tami Lou Castillo

The Mould Maker: The Connie Beavers story: A life of secrecy, courage and transformation

I looked up in wonder at the domes lining the ceiling of the Cinerama theatre, so proud my dad was their maker. The mould maker.

Tami Lou grows up longing to be close to her father, only to watch him drift further into the self-destructive storm of a long-held secret. Through multi-day absences, divorce and remarriage, Tami Lou continues to follow her dad, willing to share him with his new family so long as she gets her share.

But when his unreliability descends into reckless ambitions, bankruptcy and near-homelessness, Tami Lou has to accept that he may never become the father she longs for.

Thirty years later, Tami Lou is finally let into her father’s secret life: where Roy once stood, now there is Connie.

Roy spent his life creating moulds for beautiful things yet was never able to do the same for himself. Connie is a woman finally comfortable in her own skin after sixty years in the wrong body.

But can Connie’s courage in becoming the person she truly is heal decades worth of hurt between parent and child? Or is it too late?

This is the story of a daughter’s search for her authentic father and the unconditional love that shapes us – if only we allow it.

To connect with Tami ....
https://www.tamiloucastillo.com/
https://www.instagram.com/tamiloucastilloauthor/
https://hemburybooks.com.au/book/the-mould-maker/ 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

It's good morning, Tamil Castillo. Welcome to Yellow Shelf. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Oh, it's my pleasure. Congratulations. You've got a book out now. It's called The Mold Maker.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Tell us all about it. The Mold Maker, yes. So The Mold Maker is a memoir. It is uh takes place in the US, California, in the 1970s. It traces my childhood basically. And it traces my parents' divorce when I was young and the challenges my mother faced with raising four kids on her own. And the the central link that ties everything together in the memoir is my relationship with my father. So uh over the course of many years, my father implodes basically. He goes, spends many years harboring this secret. And through time, he just kind of disappears. And uh I the whole memoir is about kind of my search for getting back to that father I had when I was young. And late in life, um, my father comes out as trans. And this was the long-held secret. And over the course, um, at that point, my dad uh was 63 and she transitioned to Connie, and it's about how our relationship um what happens to our relationship once my father becomes Connie and accepts who she truly is. Yeah. So it's about, you know, it's about it's my honest. It's I wrote it from a place of integrity and honesty. And it's really I had in my mind the whole time about you know, having it be a human story, a story about acceptance and forgiveness and family and um transformation and you know what it means to be human. Yeah. That was really ultimately my ultimate goal. So um, yeah, just kind of exploring those themes of identity and unconditional love and family bonds and um yeah, some kind of deep stuff. But yeah, I tried to tell it, I think ultimately it's an uplifting story.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

It definitely is, Tammy. And Tammy, when I read the book, which was a few weeks ago now, I put myself in, I was like I put myself in you and felt, you know, the the healing and the acceptance and the journey, you know. I know it's your memoir, but it yeah, I was like, I'm Tammy in this book, you know, on the journey, um living it. It's really well written written.

SPEAKER_00 3:03

Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you so much. That was um, you know, I think in my ambitions to tell this story, what I really wanted to do was to show what my experience was, and people can come to their own decisions about whatever it is they want to decide. But you know, but I just that was the whole point was you know, I tried very hard to just show people my experience.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

So that's very um rewarding to me that you felt like you were looking at things from my perspective.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Yeah. And tell me, is this your first book?

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Yes, this is definitely a book. Thank you. I I previously published a book chapter. Yeah. Um, that was when I was a learning skills advisor at Monash Uni, and it was a collaboration with between libraries, La Trobe University and Monash. But it was a it's a scholarly, it's a scholarly book chapter. And um, you know, I was I come from a background of teaching high school English. Yeah, and I've you know, I've always written. Um, I wrote as a child, I wrote poetry and I was uh you know a prolific letter writer. I'd always wanted to write a memoir. And um I it came back full circle, you know, when um it was after Connie passed away that the kind of the impact of her whole life hit me. And so yeah, the idea popped into my head a few minutes after she passed, a few months, excuse me, after she passed away that I could combine my love of the written word and people's stories, and always wanting to write um a memoir and telling Connie's story, you know, which she's an amazingly, she was an amazingly uh remarkable and inspiring person. Yeah so yeah, I mean it took me 10 years. I spent 10 years, you know, I I spent a lot of time learning to write memoir, and um it's a definite uh it's definitely a different a different um brain muscle. And so um yeah, I tried to I tried to do my best, but it's been a 10-year journey, and it's yeah, it's um from the idea to to being published. Um so it's yeah, it's been a 10-year achievement.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

I mean you asked you you already answered my next question. I was gonna sort of ask a bit about you and a bit about, but then tell me, tell me about the writing journey. So it took 10 years, but are you a daily writer? Did you write, put this away for months and come back to it? Or did were things painful in writing? Like what was that process?

SPEAKER_00 6:00

Oh, great, great. Thanks for asking. It was um, it was, I could never write every day. I knew, I knew that, you know, I I try I've always tried to do that, but I knew for me it was unrealistic. People say, you know, oh, well, get up and write for the first two hours, or get up every morning and write for an hour. But for me, life it doesn't um the way I live does it never worked that way. And I was raising a son and and working. So uh what I did was I I made a once I made a commitment to write the memoir, um, I had the um ability to work part-time. Yep. And so I um I started working part-time and two days a week were my writing days, and I wrote all day. Um you know, I had that that, you know, the very common 1,000 word um a day. Um, and sometimes it would take me, you know, a few hours to write a thousand words, other times it would just spill out to two thousand words. Um, and and when I was doing that generative writing, um, you know, I tried to write in the first half of the day. It would usually take me to lunchtime, but it was a labor of love. I mean, I absolutely loved it. It was um, I never there were time there were tears shed, you know, but it wasn't like a traumatic experience. It was it was more kind of cathartic and poignant because I, you know, the beauty about writing memoir is you have the um you have the opportunity to look back through your life through hindsight and lived experience. And you know, you can realize things that you never actually realized before because you took the time to think through it carefully and reflect on it. Yes. Um, and so it was a gift, really. It was a gift I gave myself. Um, and it was lovely. Um so that was usually, but you know, it didn't take me that long, maybe um a couple years. That probably sounds like a long time for me. A couple years of writing part-time um, you know, during the week. Um, and then I spent a lot of time editing, you know, and I took um a couple, I took a memoir course and I read a lot of memoir writing books, and but the editing was quite substantial. And um, so I added a lot, I took away a lot, I um fretted a lot about it. Yeah. Um, but there was a lot of editing along the way. And um and yeah, but I still came kind of kept that same practice of two days a week. Yes. Um, and then through time, you know, during COVID, there were times when it was very difficult, and I would have to just kind of park it for a couple of weeks and then come back to it. Um yeah, and then sometimes I would uh print out. That was quite fun. Yeah, okay. To actually part of the editing process would be to print it out. And if I was going somewhere, I could take those printed chapters, and I I I did that a lot, and it was quite um, yeah, a different process, thinking process to typing when you're writing and um handwriting, and then printing out, you know, a hard copy and editing from that.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

But I never really um, you know, I never I never had writers block or anything like that.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

Yeah, look, I think it's fascinating the different ways or particularly first-time authors, yeah, you know, dive into this process and and the reality of it, you know, for some it is locking themselves away. For others, it's a you know, a process um you go through over time. But tell me, so in in light of that, would you write again? Obviously, you're not going to write about Connie, another memoir. Would you write, like, have you fallen in love with writing? What's what's it been like since the book's out? How are you feeling?

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Um it's it's very exciting. I feel like I'm back to work because I retired three years ago. And I feel like there's so many things to do. Um, and I'm pushing my brain muscles in different ways, like trying to promote the book, which is a whole other volume. And uh so I'm learning a lot and doing a lot of um things, which feels very jobish to to get the word out about my book. And you know, it's only been out since June 19th. So to me it feels quite new. Yes. Um, and I do uh I do love writing. I've always loved writing. Yeah. Um, and I feel, you know, I'm still in a writing group, and and you know, I I might toy with shorter pieces, you know, shorter nonfiction pieces, um, the essay. Um, I'm just I feel like I'm still very much in the honeymoon period of publishing. So I I can't really, it's hard for me to think ahead.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

And and don't, and don't just enjoy this time. I mean, I ask that because you know, if there are future work, I'd love you to come back and share any future work as well. Tell me if we're watching or listening anywhere in the world and we're curious about the book, we're curious about the story, we're curious about you. Are you on socials? How do we connect with you? Share that with us.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

Okay, thank you. Thanks for asking. Um, I'm on I'm on Instagram um and Facebook, but Instagram, I think, is is really the author's social. But you could there's a few different ways to find to find out more about the book. So I have a website. Great. It's um it's under my name, so tammylucastillo.com. Yes. And um on my social on Instagram, it's the same. It's TammyLou Castillo Author. Great. And it's a public page, so you can find that there. If you would like to know more about the book, you know, if you like interested in reading about um the back book cover or possibly purchasing it, you you can Google um the Mold Maker Um on any well, you can Google it and it'll come up.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

But Tammy, what I'll do is I'm gonna put in links in the show notes here to make it easy for anyone to connect with you on Instagram, your website, as well as a link to where to purchase the book. Tammy, if you do write again, you are welcome to come back. I I loved, I loved, you know, being present reading, reading your memoir and Connie's story. And um, you know, I hope others are curious for that as well. But Tammy, thanks for joining us.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. And thanks for reading my book. Cheers. Cheers.